


The Automated Hatstand

by The Hag (hagsrus)



Category: The Professionals
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-06
Updated: 2012-10-06
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:01:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hagsrus/pseuds/The%20Hag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doggerel (with a touch of Discworld)<br/>of Dubious Scansion and a Rhyme Scheme<br/>Best Not Subjected to Close Scrutiny,<br/>in Honour of the Establishment of</p><p>The Automated Hatstand</p><p>(2008-2017)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Automated Hatstand

"An Automated Hatstand,"  
Said Cowley, somewhat pensive,  
"A thing I've always wanted to possess.  
"An antique here is offered  
"(Believed in working order) --  
"A Bergholt Stuttley Johnson, nothing less."

So the Lads gave up their stakeout  
To collect it in their transport,  
Delivered it to Office of The Cow,  
And Bodie said "Let's try it,"  
But Cowley said "Not just yet,  
"An honoured guest's expected -- that's him now!"

Then in walked Mr Willis  
(Doyle grabbed tight hold of Bodie)  
All formal with that natty bowler look.  
Said Cowley, "Please to try this,"  
And the Automated Hatstand  
Took his titfer, hung it gently on a hook.

"Very clever," Willis muttered,  
And tried a quick retrieval,  
But the Hatstand gave an angry sort of creak  
And in another moment  
It had seized him by the ankles  
And dangled him, regardless of his shriek.

Then it leisurely proceeded  
To divest him of his trousers  
(His legs were sadly thin and pale when bare)  
And Betty coming in with tea  
Exclaimed so very thankfully:  
"Praise heaven he put on clean underwear!"

"The finial has a little switch  
"To turn it off," said Cowley,  
So the Lads (unhurried) made it yield its hold,  
And Willis, deeply blushing,  
Trying not to look like rushing,  
Grabbed his clothes and ran, with feelings very cold.

Said Cowley: "B.S. Johnson  
"In his inadvertent moments  
"Can offer sweet revenge, as we have shown."  
"Well, that was fun," said Bodie,  
And Doyle he nodded sagely,  
And pinched his bum (to add that slashy tone).


End file.
